


regrets

by lemonyellowlogic



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxceit - Freeform, Deceit misses Virgil, Lamp - Freeform, Love, M/M, Multi, Past Anxceit, Regret, Sad, Sad Ending, Unhappy Ending, deceit hates the other sides but loves them at the same time, im sad now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 05:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonyellowlogic/pseuds/lemonyellowlogic
Summary: deceit misses virgil.





	regrets

Deceit missed Virgil. Deceit missed the way his lips fit so well with his own. He missed the way his smile, which was very rarely seen, would light up the room. He missed the way his hair would fall in front of his mismatched eyes and the ways he’d frown while pushing it back.

He missed making Virgil happy. He missed the way they’d comfort each other while Remus fucked off somewhere. He missed making fun of the light sides as they stayed in the depths of the mind. He missed kissing Virgil and feeling loved by someone who didn’t see him as a monster.

He hates the light sides more than anything. He hates them for taking Virgil away from him, but he can’t deny that Virgil isn’t happier. Virgil had hated them at first, but then, he began to want to join them. Deceit regrets their horrible argument, an argument that ruined everything. Virgil left him and joined the light sides. Deceit was angry at Virgil, but even more at himself. He should've held on to Virgil but shouldn’t have tried to make him stay. He wishes that he could make Virgil happy but he can't, not anymore.

Deceit hates himself more than anything else, more than the light sides. He hates his scales, he hates how monstrous, how evil they make him look. He hates the way he is stuck as a “bad guy”, stuck as a villain. He isn’t a bad person, it’s not his fault he was brought into reality as “Deceit”. He hasn't done anything wrong, but he still hates himself.

He sees how happy Virgil is with the light sides, how he managed to fall in love with each of them, one by one. Deceit hates the light sides, but the more he spends time with them, he understands why. Roman’s dramatic but loving self, Logan’s smart and snarky personality, Patton’s bubbly and caring energy, they are all perfect and just...amazing. It makes sense why Virgil would pick three handsome, kind sides instead of a broken, jealous snake.

Deceit wishes they could love him as much as they love Virgil, he wishes Virgil still loved him, but he’s stuck. Stuck with the light sides hating him, stuck with Remus in the depths of Thomas’s mind. 

Deceit likes to imagine how life would be if he wasn’t a dark side, if he can change to be a light side. But, while “anxiety” can be seen as good, “deceit” is a dirty word, a word that is always going to be seen as bad, as evil, no matter what Deceit tries.

Deceit keeps his feelings in his mind, keeps them safe from the world. He lets his thoughts free in his dreams, where he imagines the sides loving him as much as he loves them. It’s nice, it feels nice, but it’s not real, no matter how much Deceit wants. 

**Author's Note:**

> i legit wrote this out of nowhere cause i wanted to write some dlamp. im maybe gonna continue it with a happier sequel, but i dunno when


End file.
